Hi everyone, hope you have all been happy, healthy...
I have continued trying to figure out the chronic abdominal ache, but it still aches, and still no answers. Frustrating, but honestly I don't have time to figure out this crap anymore.
I figure I am not growing a tumor baby or have some horrible blood disease, as the bloodwork and ultrasound were 'normal', as I think I mentioned, so I need to move on.
Until my faith in modern medicine is restored somehow, I don't think I will pursue other specialists in this matter.
Onto another matter though...I have been debating about this for some time, and I am sure many of you have mentioned this yourselves, but have you received answers? Come to some resolution yourself?
Upon my weigh in yesterday, the substitute counselor asked me how much thinner I want to get... Right now I am 165 pounds...fitting into all my size 10's and size 8's, and a few 6's.
Honestly I would like to get down 20 more pounds. I would like to fit into at least 50% of every size 6 I try on.
Greedy? Yes, I am. At this point, there is no concern for fat-related health issues, just mind-body issues. "Just" is an odd term, because my mind-body issues have probably effected my many other issues for years. I am sure I am not alone in this issue.
Fact is, that I still feel fat. I still turn to see my incidental reflection in passing a store window and think either "wow who is that?" or "jeez am I that thin?" I ask my husband (ad nauseum) if I am thinner than strangers, in order to try to get a handle on how I really look.
And most of the time he looks at me like I am crazy and says "yes, by alot".
I have even seen pictures of myself, then and now, and realize there is a huge difference, but somehow all of this is forgotten when I look in the mirror and still feel fat, consider myself a "fat girl", feel like I need to lose another 20 pounds to be thin.
I call it the "fat ghost" haunting me, but maybe this is the mindset of anorexics? Maybe this is why my weight loss counselor thinks I should start my stabilization phase now rather than in four pounds like we originally intended?
I know in the end, I am the one who must be happy with my weight loss, I must be the one to deem it finished. But if my perception is so warped that I keep thinking "just five more pounds and I'll feel thin", then how do I really break that cycle?
Has anyone who has lost most of their weight lost the fat ghost, or do you still feel like you have far to go-maybe unrealistically? Is there anyway for us ourselves to exorcise the fat ghost, or is external help, possibly psychiatric in nature, required?
Question is, are we ever happy with ourselves, I mean genuinely 100% content?