Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Sunday, December 2, 2012

I'm Baaaaaack!

"Well, where the hell have you been?!?", you ask?  Sitting here watching the horrid Dallas Cowboys, screeching at my dog for constantly licking her vagina, realizing it's not the shitty football or the canine cunnilingus, it's my nerves getting the best of me.

Yes, I am back to the blogosphere, mainly because I need balance.  Repeat with me...*Ohm*...  No, I am not getting all new-wavey (if that is even a word), but this girl needs an outlet.  Lord knows I don't want to start 'Penny's Page' blog years from now, lamenting how I never let my poor dog just clean her cooch because I was secretly jealous.  

So I gotta stop losing my temper, as I am sure my neighbors think I am nuts, and my dogs are planning mutiny...those that can hear, that is (my deaf dog loves me no matter how much I yell).  Here he is after I hollered at him to get off my lap until I had a mini-stroke...
And yes he is 140 pounds and his nose is right under my chin here.  Mushy-faced bastard-so damn cute.

Anyway, I digress.  I do have to say I missed you all.  Hard to believe since we have never actually *met*, per se.  But holy hell I've been wicked busy.  Boss is worse than ever, trying to hold me hostage from defending and graduating by holding my manuscripts from being published.  So what did I do, I went cra-cra, lost my shit, and set my defense date anyway!  Mwa-hahahaha.  Right?!?!?  I am the evil genius, right?!?!?  Not bat crazy for pissing him off further?  Oh holy shit, did I fuck myself further?  Yikers.  

Hence I need you lovely peeps to balance my mood, need to return to my outlet here with you all my bloggy family in order to really not force my husband to commit me...because he has been kinda treating me like a man treats a crying woman-with a little sympathy, a coffee-table cliche, and a whole-lotta wide berth.

Did I mention I gained some weight back?  But guess what?!?!  The rest of my life is so insane that losing the weight is not even an insomnia-inducing niggling in the back of my brain, more like 'if it's gotta be done, I'll do it'.  I guess my priorities are a bit different than last time.  Sure I want to lose weight and look better, so I will.  Simple as that.   Having my other shit turn cock-ass to the moon helps with not worrying about a pound here and there.  The good news-I'm not obsessing, the bad news-not obsessing got me here back to fatty mcfatterton in the first place.

Before I get a myriad of 'use your words'-type political correctors emailing me about my weight loss 'obsessing', take a proz-zol-ambien for Christ's sake.  I have NEVER told anyone how they should lose weight, only asked that if you want to do it, do it or shut up about it.  For me, I must obsess to really do it.  

Obsessing for me means a full-body/mind focus, which considering my current life insanities, probably means I will have trouble staying straight, getting my butt off the couch, putting down the Pringles, etc., ad naseum.  But I'll give it a shot, and look forward to you peeps keeping me honest every step of the way-again.  Thankfully I don't have as far to go as last time, and this time I will not be using Medifast, as I am not sure I will ever look at oatmeal or a smores bar the same.  This time will be slow, less insane, and I'm cool with that-for now. ;-)

Saturday, January 21, 2012


Hi guys and gals...I have to apologize for being absent lately.  I have no good excuse, just been working, doing some doggie rescue work, and mostly trying to eat well and be active.

I am losing a few pounds here and there, but it's not where it should be every week, and my efforts have not been where they were on medifast.  Not sure if it is just because work has burnt the shit out of me and I'm just TIRED.

For me, it's hard to be balls to the wall on the wagon when I don't have someone to be accountable to...and where most of you say you are accountable to yourselves, I  don't feel that responsibility right now.  When most of my clothes fit, and I am medically healthy, it is hard for me to drive myself to diet and exercise fiercely when I am looking to improve aesthetics alone.

And no, dieting has not become a way of life, I still want foods that I shouldn't eat, and no I don't want just one bite.  

I think the issue is partly this-I have always been angry that the rest of my life takes a back seat to food-when, where, what I want to eat.  But with dieting, that hasn't changed-I still think obsessively about the when, where, what...

I resent food, and everything associated with it-including dieting.  I am so sad and scared that I will look back when I'm 50, 60, 70 years old, and REGRET that I spent so much of my life obsessing about food and all that encompasses-including dieting...that I look back and realize my life was 80% food, 20% love, family, adventure, discovery, professional satisfaction, etc.

I don't think any of us want to look back and say "Wow, I was such a good/bad dieter, and for that I feel content".  Don't mistake me, I am not knocking anyone's efforts, I am knocking my own mindset, because I feel stuck-for the past god knows how many years, it's all food.  ALL FOOD.  And I know, even if it becomes a way of life, it will always be ALOT of work-ALL ABOUT FOOD.  What kind of life is that??  Sorry for the self-pity, this is just pissing me off.

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Chocolate Cake that Never Was

So, yes, as it turns out I am a dog, because I still reward myself with food...to be specific, I rewarded myself for a decent year where I managed to lose a shitload of weight and keep most of it off.

And I rewarded myself for not eating my way through the holidays...of course I did so by eating this chocolate cake...my favorite, from Grand Lux Cafe...

The irony is so thick it is almost choking me.  Yes, I am an idiot.

What's worse is that afterward I felt soooo glass-half-empty...

So I guess it turns out...

So is that good news or bad news???  Well considering I ate probably a 2000 calorie piece of cake and felt so anti-climactic I wanted to cry, I'd say this is more than just a shitty piece of cake not holding up it's end of the bargan.

I believe in fact it is the Post-Christmas Blues-aka New Year not so happy...but I have no excuse.  In fact I took off the latter half of last week in the hopes to find my mojo again, and yet I feel equally bummed and equally pissed off at myself for being bummed...

So I told hubs next time I want that cake remind me how not thrilled I was with it this time...of course he said yes, and of course I will forget...ah gotta love the selective memory of an obese brain!

Now of course I want to go home and eat junk, which of course does not exist in my house for times much like this when I could eat the granite off the countertops.  So, no, I am not thinking about resolutions, about continuing my diet, about being happy in love, life, etc.  

And naturally, as utter cockup may have it, I am back to feeling like everyone is whispering about me behind my back...

Where's a good acid trip when you need one???

Fucking cake...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Diagnosing our Diets

So being a nosy Nelli, and nearing my typical plateau, I was wondering what dieting methods and ideas everyone out there is ascribing to at this time...

So I devised a few questions that I was hoping you could all answer for me, since I can always use inspiration to break through the 180's...I don't care how brief or wordy you are, say as much as you like, but it would be great if you could answer!

1.  Briefly what kind of diet are you using right now, and what supplements (if any) do you take while dieting?

2.  Approximately how many calories do you feel you need to consume to lose weight effectively, without being a zombie?

3.  When/if you have reached your goal, what maintenance plans will you use?

4.  How often do you exercise, and what kinds do you do?

5.  Pre-diet, what foods were your weakness, and how do you avoid them now?

6.  If you yo-yo dieted in the past, what do you plan to do to try to keep the weight off for good this time?

7.  How do you reward yourself for losing weight, if at all?

8.  What is your plateau-busting secret?

9.  Do you feel that the dieting process has increased or decreased your self-confidence/self-worth?

10.  How do you stay honest in your dieting?

I thank you all in advance for any help you can provide!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Holidays from Doogs the 140 lb lapdog

So here is Doogs (aka Duggan), trying to climb on Tim's lap, and Tim trying to protect his family jewels from being nutcrackered...
"I'm right HERE and much more interesting than that bitch on TV!"

You see, Doogs is what one would call a 'velcro Dane'....meaning that he LOVES his people-meaning us-and wants to be near, on, snuggling us all the time...even when I am laying on the floor trying to do sit ups...
"Ok, if you're gonna die, please open my foodbag first..."
 He is a fantastic exercise trainer though, as I spend half my energy trying to keep him from biting my bouncing butt while I am doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred...and he reminds me that I do not need to eat crap, as he stands and lays his head on my chest looking up at the morsels I am cramming into my mouth as I forage in the kitchen...

"Gimme that fucking cupcake or I'll rip out your jugular when you're asleep..."

 And no one can make sleep look as good as him, though I will never be as flexible to ball myself up or pull my legs above my head (as my husband would like I'm sure)
Doogie ball
Rubber doogie
Fighting sleep...
 But he really is a little kid, above trying to NOT fall asleep, head resting on his chest (just checking out the back of his eyelids, as my husband would say)...but he has his moments when he can't resist sleep no matter what position he is in...

Yes, he is sleeping head down somehow...

See, he is terrified we will leave him, as his original owners did, chained in the backyard to a tree, because they didn't realize he was deaf.  He has separation anxiety for everything, apparently...
Doogs fell asleep while chewing Kong bone
But what a mushy-faced lovebug, never have I felt such appreciation from a rescue dog...granted they haven't all had such dependency issues!
In fact he is so tolerant, and will let us do anything, which is both a good thing and why he got rescued from the shelter after being dumped, and bad because he dealt with way much more than he should have...but he is a smart cookie, after all he chose us!  
He looks better in my glasses than I do!

So here's to our 140 pound lapdog, the best Christmas present we could ask for-I know Polar and Pearl would really love him-what's not to love with those mushy cheeks???

Sunday, December 18, 2011

My Present to You this Christmas!

Since the holidays are tough on all of us (who are trying to keep from stuffing ourselves into a sugar cookie coma), I decided to try to inspire the healthy chefs in all of us (read: me especially!)...

So I challenge all of you to post your original, healthy, home-cooked holiday recipes...paste the address of your recipe post on your page into my comments section on this post...all posts before this Wednesday at midnight will be considered...

The winner will receive a package at their door filled with their favorite products from Netrition.com!  This is a fantastic website with specialty food items and supplements for EVERY diet...just in time for renewing your commitment to weight loss in the new year!

Caveats:  Recipes MUST be original or your novel spin on an old favorite, and holiday related-entrees, appetizers, desserts are all welcome are all are equal-opportunity winners!  One entry per person, please.
Good luck to everyone!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Saving a life besides your own

We all know how wonderful it is to lose weight in order to become healthier...in fact obesity is the cornerstone risk factor for almost all really serious, common diseases...cardiovascular disease including heart attacks and strokes, diabetes, cancer, even Alzheimer's...

I don't need to tout this over and over, because we all hear it everyday, as we strive to put ourselves first in the race to be healthy...but yesterday I got a chance to save another life.

I work with a couple Great Dane rescues in our area, and one shelter has a 'dane' boy who my rescue wanted me to check out.  So I drove up there, an anxious knot in my belly...just the thought that I would be responsible for a dog living or not made me feel sick to my stomach, but so excited that he would be appropriate for us to pull into rescue.

After arriving, my hubs and I were brought back, past a long row of big dogs in other kennels to a large black happy boy in the end kennel.
 The staff let us take him into a room and interact with him.  He passed a variety of tasks...he does not appear to be dog aggressive at all, if anything he is submissive...he approached and was happy to see both of us as complete strangers...he was happy and excited but not destructive or out of control...we poked, prodded, looked at his teeth (and junk underneath), and he didn't flinch or budge like he was not ok with us doing that...

So one reason I had to go see him was because we were all wondering if he was a purebred Dane, and at ~75 pounds he is definitely a mix, most likely lab...

But what a wonderful dog, and we are definitely going to try to pull him into our rescue and get him a home.

What makes me sad is that there were at least 5-6 other dogs in the shelter that were very place-able into homes.  That and the fact that stray dogs are only held for 6 days, and those relinquished by owners are only held for 24.  24 hours that is...

So if you are reaching for gifts for that special animal lover in your life this season, I ask that you research shelters in your area, not to get a dog as a gift for someone, but because many have a special program that can help save a bunch of lives...these programs allow people to pay the small adoption fee for an animal at the shelter, then the animal will be held forever until someone is interested in adopting, and then the animal will be placed free of charge to that special home.

This is a great way to help save animals without bringing them all home and becoming a hoarder...tis the season to give, and not much is better than giving an animal it's life.  Happy Holidays everyone!