Hi guys and gals...I have to apologize for being absent lately. I have no good excuse, just been working, doing some doggie rescue work, and mostly trying to eat well and be active.
I am losing a few pounds here and there, but it's not where it should be every week, and my efforts have not been where they were on medifast. Not sure if it is just because work has burnt the shit out of me and I'm just TIRED.
For me, it's hard to be balls to the wall on the wagon when I don't have someone to be accountable to...and where most of you say you are accountable to yourselves, I don't feel that responsibility right now. When most of my clothes fit, and I am medically healthy, it is hard for me to drive myself to diet and exercise fiercely when I am looking to improve aesthetics alone.
And no, dieting has not become a way of life, I still want foods that I shouldn't eat, and no I don't want just one bite.
I think the issue is partly this-I have always been angry that the rest of my life takes a back seat to food-when, where, what I want to eat. But with dieting, that hasn't changed-I still think obsessively about the when, where, what...
I resent food, and everything associated with it-including dieting. I am so sad and scared that I will look back when I'm 50, 60, 70 years old, and REGRET that I spent so much of my life obsessing about food and all that encompasses-including dieting...that I look back and realize my life was 80% food, 20% love, family, adventure, discovery, professional satisfaction, etc.
I don't think any of us want to look back and say "Wow, I was such a good/bad dieter, and for that I feel content". Don't mistake me, I am not knocking anyone's efforts, I am knocking my own mindset, because I feel stuck-for the past god knows how many years, it's all food. ALL FOOD. And I know, even if it becomes a way of life, it will always be ALOT of work-ALL ABOUT FOOD. What kind of life is that?? Sorry for the self-pity, this is just pissing me off.