Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

But I'm a Cheerleader!!!

So you all know that girl from high school...no THAT girl-who drinks a diet coke (and ex-lax) for lunch, blushes that she's not THAT popular, is exceedingly perky (both in spirit and boobies), guys falling all over her (to touch said boobies), grades don't matter because she is THAT gorgeous...of course she is also a cheerleader (cause what accentuates the annoyance of her being more than a tight sweater and ass-skimming skirt?).
Evil bitches
Yes, I know I am sterotyping, but guess what???  It's my blog, oh and yeah, I was a cheerleader briefly (with great boobs but with more brooding qualities and much fewer smiles and loud "tee-hee!"s across the lunchroom)

But I digress, as usual...my point being this...THAT girl was always "oh I'm SOOOO fat, I have all this flab EVERYWHERE" (said with rolling eyes and pointing to phantom fat in cute skirt/tight sweater).

Me?  I was an athlete, 138 pounds, and I thought "well if she is fat, then I must be a behemoth!"  A.K.A.-A large lake-swelling monster with enormous thighs, etc., and what must SHE think of me if she thinks her perfection is off cause she obviously has it all together?!?

This brings me to this other point...seems everywhere nowadays that people, really thin, naturally thin people are coming out of the woodwork to tell *ME* that they are getting so fat, and they need to lose weight.  Um, 'scuse me???

I realize I lost alot of weight (prior to my small regain) but to bring this up to me makes me wonder...why me?  Because I will agree and lament with you how disgustingly fat you are? (seriously???)  Because I will furiously shake my head INSISTING that no, no, no-you are perfect?  Because it is their way of negating all my hard work (making them feel better about themselves) because I will never be as thin as them?

Even lately in Blogland I have read several posts about people who have lost alot of weight now lamenting how they are so upset because they cannot lose that extra 2 pounds, and boo-fucking-hoo.

Yes, I am angry because I am struggling right now and up a few pounds, and it seems self-serving to dwell on the miniscule when the major goal had been reached (being healthier, etc.)  
Yes, I know we are our own worst critics, and we see what no one else may ever see, either due to our own delusions or because we are never naked in front of anyone else but ourselves.

But here is the thing...I cannot be upset with these peeps, because I am one of them.  Or rather I was one of them when I was 160 pounds a few months ago...I was that horrible obnoxious cheerleader shouting from the rafters "Poor me, I'm only a size 8, and I NEED to be a size 6!" 

And my lovely peeps, I am SO sorry for that.  How fucking annoying.  Hell, I am pissed at me, not only because I did not SEE how skinny I really was (the real crime), but because I drolled on and on. And on.  I did not realize I was inadvertently flashing my success in your faces, possibly unintentionally bringing you down, being THAT girl.  Yuck. I will work on that hypocrisy, I promise, and not shake my perky cheerleadery ta-tas in your face again.

So I apologize.  I cannot promise I will never cheer my future losses and lament my errors, but I will never again harangue again about not being small enough...should I ever be 160 pounds again that is, God/Goddess/Jillian Michaels willing...


Anonymous said...

OMG, this could be taken from lastnight's Facebook's status update from class. I was talking about working out before class and this girl in class who I KID YOU NOT is a size ZERO...she is TINY...she was going on and on AND ON about how she is fat and has to wear Spanx, and OMG, look at this picture of me from a wedding where I had to wear Spanx but I STILL looked fat...

Seriously, that is what she said and that is what she did (showed us this picture on her phone). If this girl weighs 90 pounds, I'd be surprised. She is about 5'5, tiny tiny tiny, but going on and on about how fat she is. It was OBNOXIOUS and annoying b/c I am a fat girl that has to wear Spanx and even when I do, I still look fat.

Someone commented on my status and said "you should have told her 'yeah, I wasn't going to say anything but you need to do something about that muffin top.'"!! Seriously, how ridiculous.

But ya know, ridiculous or not, I wanna read what you have to say...you've lost a lot of weight and you have struggles...that's a story I wanna read!

BeesKnees said...

Yup, love everything about this post. I have a co-worker that does the same thing. The girl is a rail, eats like a fucking bird and constantly makes comments about how fat she is. I wish these people would find other ways to fish for compliments that weren't so annoying and self-serving.

Julie said...

Me too, I don't want you to not tell us about what you've done to get to where you are and how hard you worked to get there. Please keep telling. You have to toot your own horn, you have too!!!
I don't see it as a put down and I still have a ways to go, not terrible because I don't want 130 lbs but 160 would be awesome.
Anyways, you share, we read and enjoy learning. Except I don't want to follow your example from Monday and eat all those cupcakes, however if it was a bag of M&M's, well maybe then. :)
Take care and have a blessed day!!

Call me Ishmael said...

Hmmm, interesting post. Sometimes I think that when a person, be they 20 or 200 lbs overweight, decides to change how they look, it can kinda set off a chain reaction around those who see them regularly. My experience has been that people who have their own issues with weight -- even if it's just a quiet voice in their head that they need to lose 10lbs for health reasons -- get a little guilty when they see someone else doing what they feel they *should* be doing for themselves. Also, people who like to talk about their weight or their need for weight loss -- and there are A LOT, both skinny and large -- always assume that someone who has lost or is losing weight is equally obsessed and willing to swap details and diet tips endlessly. People make wacky assumptions all the time about weight and the weirdest thing to me is that there seems to be a general perception that if someone loses weight, they of course must want to talk about weight in general ALL. THE. TIME!

That's a different category, however, than the person who has never been overweight, would never allow him/herself to be overweight, and would remove vital internal organs if necessary in order to stay a certain size, and yet constantly complains to others about being fat. I know one of those, and yes..it's a twisted and freakish way of fishing constantly for compliments. I'd hate said person, if it weren't so blatantly apparent that she has got some serious, serious issues. She falls into the category of women who can't understand how a "big girl" like me could have a boyfriend when she doesn't. You know the type, I'm sure. I wouldn't ever think your comments about your weight loss and where you were at 160lbs compare to that, Polar's Mom!

E. Jane said...

I also have a friend who is tiny, tiny, and has never been fat. She constantly complains about how fat she is at a size 2. It is uncomfortable for someone like me who is a size 16 and trying to lose to be in her presence. I'm not sure if this is passive aggression on her part or a mental disorder or extreme vanity, in that she is always fishing for compliments.

You are in a different category, however, and I have been there. Even after weight loss, we live with fear of regain and often feel fat. It goes with the territory.

Sara said...

It's that damned relativity thing at work again.

I think that human beings are inherently myopic, and its really hard to see past our own out of joint noses. We not only forget that other people have different concerns and experiences than us,event order that WE havent always been exactly who we are today. We're super annoying that way as a species.

I suppose the best we can do is try not to be "that" asshole.

The Ninja said...

You know PM, I always hated that girl too, and I guess I didn't think she was right in the head because I have never let anyone else's ideas about their body cause me to have doubts about my own. (Go Mom)

I sort of think the way Ish does, that the girl has some prescription grade crazy going on inside her head and needs help.

I think that you can have a goal and work toward it without being irritating. You can talk about the things that aren't working without rubbing people's faces in their own problems and you don't strike me as a ass hat, so I wouldn't worry too much about being another "that girl"

Karen@WaistingTime said...

Well, eek, I'm one of them. But for me, a couple of pounds is not just a couple of pounds. Because for me it is always just one bite and one pound away from regaining. Since I am a classic yo-yo dieter. And, truth here, for me it is really no longer about the pounds at all, but about my relationship with food. The pounds are only (sometimes) a symptom of that.

Thought provoking post.

Christie said...

Boo fucking hoo is right. Love this post and STILL love your perspective!

MarshaMarsha said...

I didn't realize how small I was either until gained some of the weight back. I think it's because at my heaviest, I didn't realize how big I was until I got a big dose of reality (seeing photos of myself at my sister's wedding.. size 24 next to my sisters size 0 friends!). I have more of an issue now with my weight than I ever did at my heaviest. I think a lot of that comes from me being in denial about how big I really was.. I now continuously obess over it, and I'm sure people get tired of hearing "how fat" I am as well. Anyways, You shouldn't stop blogging how you feel, that's what your blog is for.