But I digress, as usual...my point being this...THAT girl was always "oh I'm SOOOO fat, I have all this flab EVERYWHERE" (said with rolling eyes and pointing to phantom fat in cute skirt/tight sweater).
Me? I was an athlete, 138 pounds, and I thought "well if she is fat, then I must be a behemoth!" A.K.A.-A large lake-swelling monster with enormous thighs, etc., and what must SHE think of me if she thinks her perfection is off cause she obviously has it all together?!?
This brings me to this other point...seems everywhere nowadays that people, really thin, naturally thin people are coming out of the woodwork to tell *ME* that they are getting so fat, and they need to lose weight. Um, 'scuse me???
I realize I lost alot of weight (prior to my small regain) but to bring this up to me makes me wonder...why me? Because I will agree and lament with you how disgustingly fat you are? (seriously???) Because I will furiously shake my head INSISTING that no, no, no-you are perfect? Because it is their way of negating all my hard work (making them feel better about themselves) because I will never be as thin as them?
Even lately in Blogland I have read several posts about people who have lost alot of weight now lamenting how they are so upset because they cannot lose that extra 2 pounds, and boo-fucking-hoo.
Yes, I am angry because I am struggling right now and up a few pounds, and it seems self-serving to dwell on the miniscule when the major goal had been reached (being healthier, etc.)
Yes, I know we are our own worst critics, and we see what no one else may ever see, either due to our own delusions or because we are never naked in front of anyone else but ourselves.
But here is the thing...I cannot be upset with these peeps, because I am one of them. Or rather I was one of them when I was 160 pounds a few months ago...I was that horrible obnoxious cheerleader shouting from the rafters "Poor me, I'm only a size 8, and I NEED to be a size 6!"
And my lovely peeps, I am SO sorry for that. How fucking annoying. Hell, I am pissed at me, not only because I did not SEE how skinny I really was (the real crime), but because I drolled on and on. And on. I did not realize I was inadvertently flashing my success in your faces, possibly unintentionally bringing you down, being THAT girl. Yuck. I will work on that hypocrisy, I promise, and not shake my perky cheerleadery ta-tas in your face again.
So I apologize. I cannot promise I will never cheer my future losses and lament my errors, but I will never again harangue again about not being small enough...should I ever be 160 pounds again that is, God/Goddess/Jillian Michaels willing...