Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Random Facts and Inconsequential Ramblings

Feel free to jump in!

My current stream of consciousness reads:

1.  I can't believe that people who don't poop for a few days can hold up to 30 extra pounds of shiz-nit in their colon!  Does that mean I am really 145 pounds already???  Imagine all the toxins crammed into my, well, nooks and crannies!?!?  Where can I sign up for a poop chute brushless crackwash? 

2.  Why do people, who have never been more than 5 pounds overweight in their whole lives, proceed to give me ~unsolicited~ advice on how to lose large amounts of weight???  When I need to maintain again-I'll give ya a call, until then can you shut the f-up and check out firsthand the state of your own colon?

3.  A multi-location study worldwide of year-long workplace weight loss programs showed that  between 5-10% of weight loss DRASTICALLY reduced cardiovascular risk factors, and that more than 10% loss was even better.  Yes, a little goes a long way, and no, you may not just lose 5-10%-I know you people! ;-)

4.  How do people run office lottery pools where people put in money each week and collective lottery tickets are purchased?  How do they keep it honest so that douchebag slacker from the mailroom doesn't stake a claim to their powerball winnings?

5.  Do I want to sleep with Hugh Laurie because his character House is hot or annoying or a chauvinist?  Does this mean I have daddy issues and should be working a pole somewhere for some real dough?

6.  Why are makeup brushes so expensive?

7.  Dysons are awesome, though mine smells a little.  (That's what she said...ba-dump-dum)

8.  Would my dogs eat me if I passed long enough out from a low calorie faint?  Would they even try to get into the dog food cabinet first???  Would they start with my meaty boobs?  Or do they stare at my thunder thighs just waiting for the day when they can tear off my juicy drumstick?  That's it I'm sleeping with the door locked from now on...

9.  Why do the large and tiny low fat pretzels taste differently?  Isn't it just a size thing or are the recipes different?

10.  What the fuck is wrong with my brain and why the fuck can't anyone come out with a decent tasting fat free fucking cookie???  And yes, I know fucking a cookie is a sin.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Giving Thanks Bob Harper-style

When my nuggets of wisdom come from reality TV, it makes me wonder about the status of my life. Ha!  But then where in my real like would I run into such veteran weight loss gurus as Bob Harper-the infinitely less abrasive long-standing Biggest Loser trainer?

So as you guessed, I was watching The Biggest Loser this week, and was very interested in the exchange between Bob and Antone, while discussing John's ambivalence on the scale.

You see, every week John gets up there, pulls very decent numbers pretty consistently, yet he is always disappointed to some degree.

And you know what Bob said???  He said that since John didn't appreciate his losses, that he would never realize how far he had come, what he went through to get there, and therefore it would be super easy for him to regain his weight...

I wonder if this is a problem for all Medifasters, too?  See we are conditioned to expect 3-5 pounds of loss per week based on program design, because hey-that is what the posters and ads all say, as well as what my weight loss counselor said initially...

So we see these losses, come to expect them as regular, and pretty soon 30, 40, 50, 100, etc., pounds are gone, and we may have never stopped to realize in actuality how difficult it really is to lose weight, how devoted we were to do so, and how skinny we have become.  Heck maybe this is a problem for everyone?

See, I realized that I never STOPPED pushing myself, being tough on myself, staying focused, to say "hey, that is a shit ton of weight that you lost, look how good you look, feel how good you feel, good for you!!!"  Sure at the end when I hit 159 I was pretty proud of the number, but I'm not sure I really knew how skinny I was-obviously I didn't because when I gained a few back I had virtually no idea.

Now I'm not talking about taking a break from dieting, but snapping out of the zone to have some a-ha moment, doing a happy dance, etc.

I guess I let the routine get so routine, that I never fully grasped how far I came because one week was the same as the next-being a machine is not always good I guess.  This may sound very 'poor little rich girl', but seriously I have to realize that if I don't cheer my success then I won't see my failures coming until the rolls are hitting me in the face (quite literally).  

I think my Medifast counselor even realized that I was not appreciating how well I was doing after a while, but at that point I was a lost cause-being cranky over a three pound loss because it wasn't five...but by then it was too late, my mindset was, well, set.

Therefore this time I will make much more of an effort to appreciate my successes, because I know I will lose weight, that is not in question, but I need to be proud of myself, so that my success does not mean hitting goal, but cheering the journey every step of the way...  
So my journey is just that, a long yet satisfying push to goal, and is not summed up by my destination alone-only then will I be thankful for what I've done, where I've been, and how I look and feel NOW.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

"Jillian" starts with a "B"

This Thanksgiving I will be thankful for many little things...

It's amazing how we lose sight of the small joys in life-
like being able to sit to pee.

Yes, Jillian Michaels took that little joy away from me, so this Thanksgiving I wish her a burnt turkey...

Ok, who am I kidding?  I would not wish bad food on my worst enemy, but seriously, her 30 day Shred is NO joke.

After seeing The Biggest Loser for years with her tough love whipping couch potatoes into a fine mash puree, I should have known better.

Sure I do the elliptical 6 days a week, and sure I survived p90x, and of course I discounted the myriads of great reviews on her DVD touting their wonderful fit agony when I was browsing Amazon...

So my brilliant head stated "how can 25 minutes of exercise be that hard?"  And "I can do anything for 25 minutes".  That last statement is true, and I have done her DVD start to finish without missing a beat...but the next morning-whew!

As I was looking for the tire tracks marring my pretty bed coverlet from the truck that plowed me over, I remembered the semi was none other than Miss Peterbuilt herself-Jillian the Villian.  (Yes, I know I spelled it wrong, but I rhymes and emphasizes my drama!)

From the waist down, I am useless (that's what he said, ba-dump-dum).  So I stretched, I popped some ibu's, I stretched again, and yet urination may as well be a four letter word.

First he only gains 5 pounds while eating double the crap that I was, now he gets to stand to pee-more evidence that my husband has made a deal with the devil.  Bastard.

This is SO inconvenient, as I truly need all my muscle coordination and faculties in order to use my extra pounds for the good of mankind and kick some Black Friday ass...

Anyway, besides LOVING my new JM DVD, nothing else new here, eating well, exercising to the best of my hobbled abilities, and plugging forward.

Stay safe and sane this holiday-and if you see any good online black friday ads for an LCD/LED 50+ inch TV, let me know!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

What I know for sure and where I'm truly F'd

So it has been one long...LONG...year and a quarter.

I have learned some things about my obese brain, body, insanity-these have mainly come from what I have read, because hey, when you're a food addict it's hard to foster any logic that will keep you from passing on the pie when your smelling it straight from the oven.

I dare say I still mostly operate in a food "haze".  

Let me explain...I read once that men think about sex once every 7 seconds (seriously how do they get anything done??? But I digress...)  However, I can honestly say that I think about food at least every minute less...

Oddly, yet honestly, enough, this explains why I get my good feelings, and release of good feeling chemicals from eating food...not sex.

Sure this used to be different, but for me, eating food has replaced almost every other satisfying activity out there.  Scratch that, it HAS replaced every other activity...

I know obese people need to eat twice as much of the same 'comfort' foods to achieve the same high as normal weight individuals.

I also know that when I eat in front of the TV, that I continue to eat the same food long after it has served it's "intoxicating" functions.  In fact, literature states that as we eat the same food, each subsequent bite holds less and less "intoxicating" power-ie our brain receptors that signal satiation and good vibes are less and less impressed with each swallow.

I also know food triggers the same area of my brain as does narcotics for a drug addict.

This is what I know-though it doesn't always keep me from the food, because I am flawed, and I know I can justify the pants off of eating whatever I want no matter the science that I "know".

Where I'm fucked beyond my physiology, however, is just about everywhere else when it comes to food...see I still remember Polar's passing, and now Pearl's, but I could not (for the past few months anyway), relive, remember, recover any of the agony and just plain old shitty misery I felt while losing all that weight...not enough to keep me from depression-eating back those 15 pounds.

And why could I not see how skinny I was at 159 pounds??  And moreso why could I not see that I was gaining weight again?  I guess body dysmorphia goes both ways...this is not a lesson I wanted to learn this way!

I do know that I am never going to see myself as skinny, no matter what I weigh-this is probably where I am truly fucked, because I can honestly see myself going from a food addict directly into an anorexic mindset.

Yesterday I spoke with hubs about the fact that I trade one addiction like food, for another like shopping-but the fact is that nothing is as satisfying as food for me.  Nothing.

You could say "don't give food the power", but you know what??  It will ALWAYS creep into my brain, every minute or so, and if my only power is deciding not to act on it, then I will have to deal with the constant "foodasizing" in my brain.

Because I'm always going to want to eat chips while watching football, go to dinner for celebrations, grab candy at work when I'm starving, make cookies when I am depressed, reward myself with pizza after a good day at work...

So while I sit here typing AND thinking about what I am going to have for dinner, I realize how food-centric I will always be, and how fucked my fat brain is, yet maybe my solace lies with the fact that knowing this may be the best weapon I have.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Low fat takes on my TG Day favorites

So the old me would have made these with EVERYTHING...but through trial and error I have realized there isn't much taken away at all in regards to taste if I low-cal these up a bit...

Sure they are a bit of a splurge, but the substitutions are pretty numerous and the calories relatively lower than the originals, so here ya go!

Spicy Creme Corn
-Two cans or frozen corn
-Fat Free cream cheese-about 1/2 to 3/4 pack is fine
-Half stick of margarine or equal amount of spread
-Jalapenos (diced), I like them pickled from a jar, but if you use fresh I recommend turning them over in the pan with the margarine first so you don't burn your mouth (and subsequently your asshole) off
-Garlic salt (pinch), or fresh garlic (clove) sauteed in the pan with the jalapenos
-1/4 sweeter onion (in pan with garlic and jalapenos first)
-options-mild chilis or other kinds of peppers or rotel

What I love about this dish is it's flexibility in preparation-can be done days before, the day of, and eaten much after and tastes great each time!

Yukon potato puree
-8 yukon golds
-1.5 cup skim milk
-1/2 half and half or other lower fat cream
-1/4 fat free sour cream
-1/4 cup margarine or low fat spread
-1 tsp salt
-optional-1/8 cup parmigian cheese 
This recipe is a little more in depth, but well worth it, though it is higher cals than the corn recipe, and I usually only make one of these per holiday meal.
So peel and quarter and rinse potatoes, then boil them with salt gently for 10-12 minutes or until ready...
Heat milk and cream until hot but NOT boiling-microwave works well
Drain potatoes and heat in pan to dry them over low heat for ~1 min
Mash/rice potatoes in pan
Mix in butter and optional cheese and sour cream
Add hot milk and cream mixture until puree as soft as you would like
Salt and pepper to taste


Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Relapse is a dish best served with Ranch

How are you all??

I'm kind of back.  Sorta.  Kinda.  Maybe.

Everytime I tried to come back, I read my last post and realized that after reaching goal, the wind went out of my sails, and the reason (anger over losing Polar) of why I was pushing so hard just left.

And I felt sad.  And then it happened again.  Pearl, Polar's sister, had a spinal stroke which caused Wobblers, the same thing from which Polar died.  Then she developed diabetes from the steroids which were treating her Wobblers.  Needless to say, it was a tug-of-war in which she would undoubtedly come out the loser no matter which ailment we treated.

So she was put to sleep...on Memorial Day.

And I ate.

I ate 15 pounds back onto my butt, thighs, face, etc...so I'm back in my next attempt to get down to 145, a weight I have not seen since highschool as you may remember.

This time I am not doing Medifast strictly.  I have found these Eating Right micro meals which I love, because let's face it, I am one lazy cook.  The rest will be the same, several small, low cal meals /snacks throughout the day, and water water water.  Also P90x, elliptical, and some Jillian MIchaels thrown in there to keep me honest...cause let's face it she is one scary bitch who would scare the fur off a grizzly.

Oh, and walks every morning...with this guy.  
So this is Duggan, our new deaf baby.  Well, actually he is almost 3 years old.  His street name is Taco, because when the rescue went to get him at the animal shelter they said that he only spoke Spanish...because he didn't respond to the staff.  HAHAHA!  Rescue said, uh no, he is DEAF, not HISPANIC.  
His name is also Taco because he loves to steal them, when you are mid-bite.  No joke.

So here I am...I'm back if you will have me my friends! On to the next weight loss goal!