Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Saturday, February 5, 2011

SELFISH or just plain ol' selfish?

Hope you have all recovered from my verbal diatribe yesterday...if you think I was talking about you, then I'm not-and please don't avoid posting your 'struggles' because of anyone.  Like I said before, if you struggle then you must be putting in effort to begin with, and EVERYONE struggles!  

Sadly, I think those that I was trying to talk to would never imagine I was talking about them, because they are probably content with their decisions-if not they would have already changed something, right?  

I guess that is the logical path-see a problem, change something to fix it.  But food addiction is far from logical for sure, and I am not remiss to admit it.  Case in point-cookie dough.  Yeah, not cookies, cookie dough. My Achilles Heel.

But I realized that for me, every other time I had dieted, lost weight, then regained it, that my heart AND mind was not in it.  This time was different for several reasons that I have talked about before-the switch was flipped.  I went from 'wanting' to lose weight, albeit REALLY BAD, to needing to lose weight if I was ever going to be happy and have a chance at real living and a LONG life.

Therefore, yesterday prior to my own revelation about the switch, I 'assumed' (ass+u+me), that if someone was serious enough to start a BLOG and get into the weight loss blogosphere with full force, then that person HAD to have their heart and mind into it, too, right?  They wanted and needed to lose weight...RIGHT?  Seems like ALOT of energy to just go through the motions...BUT-

Sometimes it is not all about A+B=C I guess, as I didn't take into account the 'attention seeker'.  Someone who maybe was yearning for friendship, attention, a conversation, so that when they found the 'group therapy' in the weight loss blogosphere, they forgot their true motive?  Or maybe found what they really wanted-a few pals, and never pursued the WL for real-mind and heart?  I love my bloggy friends, but would never assume to lead them on with my own false intentions.  Weight loss is too tough, too important for us all, to bullshit about...

Regardless of the state of your 'switch', I wish success for everyone, and I wish commitment for everyone-cause we all need some every once in a while.  There is no joy or advantage for me if someone fails.

So to this post's true topic...many have discussed having to be selfish, put yourself first, in order to really succeed in weight loss.

But being a Mom is selfless.  Now I am not at the point where I want to have a kid, feel ready either...  However, and I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone, how did you get out of the selfish mindset and realize that with pregnancy weight gain is imminent for the health of the child?

I fear that once I reach my goal, then I am never going to want a kid, because I fear putting the weight back on-for any reason...  I know adoption is an option, and may be my only option, but let's set that aside for a second and look at the heart of the issue...

Trust me, I know how horrible it sounds, but after working so hard to get to a weight that I won't have been for 20 years, how do I justify doing something that I know will set me back and make this hell necessary to re-live?  Not that stabilization and maintenance are a walk in the park-but you know what I mean...

I know many of you out there fear the regain-not just fear but FEAR.  Terrified.  Will the want for a kid ever trump my fear of being overweight again?  Anyone have insight on this?  Ideas?


Auntie Mandy said...

When I got pregnant with my first, I ate EVERYTHING that I could get into my mouth. I gained 70 lbs. I had to work really hard to get the baby weight off. When I got pregnant with #2, I looked at it as an opportunity to get healthy. I gained 18 lbs in that pregnancy. I was prepregnancy weight within 3 weeks, and to a healthy weight by the time he was 11 months old. What helped was that I got pregnant with him in January, and ate only fruits and vegetables all summer long making for a very healthy baby.

Beth said...

I don't understand why people think that you have to gain weight with a baby. I was maintaining a 70 pound weight loss when I got pregnant. I gained 22 pounds with my pregnancy. TWENTY-TWO, not fifty-two! And my baby was a healthy 8 pounder. On the day he was born, I lost 12 pounds. A week or so later, I'd lost three more pounds. (I was 33 when my son was born so no excuses that it was because I was young!)

Within a few weeks I was back down to pre-pregnancy weight with no major freak out. I just kept eating according to my maintenance food plan.

I had excellent care during my pregnancy and the doctors were pleased with my weight gain. I did not increase my calorie intake until I hit the fifth month of pregnancy. This is what I had been advised.

I ate as healthy as I possibly could and I did yoga and walking throughout my pregnancy.

I found the whole experience as a thin person far far more pleasant than I would have if I had been overweight. I stayed in a size 6/8 clothes the whole time (I'm 5' 7") and my butt did not get bigger, just my belly and it was cute.

I don't know if it's the belly weight that you are concerned about or the whole huge weight gains that some women go through with pregnancy but the huge weight gains absolutely are not necessary.

Also, I felt similar to you about gaining weight until the desire to have a baby hit me, when that hit me it was like there was nothing in the world that would have stopped me from having a baby so that concern got lost in the dust. (sorry, I've written an essay, sorry.)

birchgirl said...

Well in all fairness I think most people cannot be certain what the outcome will be when they start a blog. I was not certain at all, but I have lost 40 lbs. If I had not lost weight I probably would not have blogged much. I am an introvert, online and off. But I would imagine that if I were not, I would have blogged and blogged and blogged, even with no weight loss at all. There are bloggers who annoy me with their constant whining, I won't lie, but I just stopped commenting on their blogs. They have a right to post whatever they want, whatever the "category" of blogging, and I have a right to ignore them.
As for pregnancy, you are in a good position to not gain alot of weight, since you are focused on being healthy. You don't need to gain much to have a healthy baby.

fatgirlwearingthin said...

Well you are correct about the fear of regaining. Even after all these years, I still have a HUGE fear of gaining it all back, more often than I care to admit. As for having kids, that is an onion with many layers, my dear friend. I am almost 41, have no kids and know that I will never have a child of my own - so that option is off the table; could blog on that topic for a week!

Jo said...

I think you're right about some wanting attention or friendship. And we all lose at different rates. And sometimes we gain a little back in the process, then lose all that and more. I hope most people's focus is on the big picture of losing the weight at their own pace, but then maintaining that loss. You are smart to consider that with pregnancy. I didn't think you were talking to me with that post, but thanks for the kick in the butt anyway! ;-)

Lanie Painie said...

I was obese when I got pregnant and actually lost weight on the diabetic diet, but gained it all back after she was born. When you're pregnant you're even more motivated to take good care of youreslf, so I don't think you would have a problem.

Chubby McGee said...

I agree with Lanie Painie. And the beautiful thing is that you get two gifts by having a baby:

1.) you get a baby...good Lord...isn't that enough?
2.) you get to reshape your amazingly resilient baby-making/baby-carrying body again by chasing that baby around and such AND you have to be a good eater because said baby will need a good role model when solid foods start happening.

Don't miss out on something that's just so beautiful because of that fear. Don't deprive your body of something it is created to do. Weight comes off. You know that. And babies are so nice to snuggle with.

Anonymous said...

I've considered whether losing weight will cause me to not want to have a kid for fear of gaining back weight, but, losing weight and getting healthy will allow me to have a healthy baby and instilling the healthy eating and exercise would make it easier to lose baby weight. I just can't imagine missing out on having a child because of fear of gaining weight. My biggest fear is not losing weight and making it harder to have a baby.

Bethanny said...

I am still waiting for you to say something mean or inappropriate. :) Honesty is always the best policy, right?

The Ninja said...

Hey PM,

as a momma of two munchkins I have done the preggers thing. I only gained 3 pounds with my first, and I gained 11 with my second. Healthy wieght gain during pregnancy is usually easy to shed after the baby is born. Especially if you breastfeed. I am trying to have another one now and I am slightly afraid that I will gain. But I'm less afriad then I could be, because I have changed my habits. Wieght loss isn't the end of the road, you still have to live your life. And if you maintain healthy eating and activity habits through the pregnancy, You will gain healthy baby wieght, the kind thats easy to lose.