Death, taxes, drunk drivers, February snow in Texas, alien abductions...
And the answer, Alex, is "What are things we cannot control"?
I realized today that losing weight is the only thing I can really effect. Destiny? Not so much.
I'm starting to understand more and more why those with undereating disorders starve themselves. If their lives are anything like mine, they take that little nugget of control and run with it.
I realized today that it doesn't matter how much I prepare, read articles, take classes, offer solid experimental suggestions-my opinion will never be taken seriously by my boss.
Many of you are probably saying, "Yeah join the club." But in my education, the whole purpose of getting a science PhD is to LEARN how to THINK analytically and use known info to answer new questions-in other words-Independent Thinking.
I have told you that my boss is a micromanager, but today takes the fucking cake. See I have my own project, one that granted HE chose for me based on what he wanted to pursue, but I have tried to make it my own and take ownership since. Because at some point I need to be able to pose the future questions and solutions based on the results I see day to day-by myself.
But he has a plan...many in my lab think it doesn't matter what the results say because the boss sees everything through rose colored glasses and will keep repeating an experiment until he sees the results he desires.
Until today I wasn't sure if that was true. Today I offered a really good suggestion, to replace our current mouse model with a MUCH better, cleaner model that I found in the literature. And he shot it down.
The fact that my work really doesn't matter, that my name will be put on a paper with less than clean results, and that I will never be allowed to develop as an independent scientific thinker makes me want to fucking drop out. And it makes me sick to my stomach.
And it makes me want to exercise until I drop dead-because I can CONTROL that. That is the only area where my hard work and initiative pays off it seems.
Sorry for the negative post, but I'm just so frigging pissed right now I can think straight.