Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Ulterior Motive

I admit, when I see celebrities proclaim in a verbose and dramatic manner that they are just so sad because it is so HARD for them to tell who likes them for themselves and not their looks or money, I want to freaking puke...

Then when I see gorgeous, perfectly shaped women prancing around in 6 inch heels claiming that no one takes them (and their unnatural cleavage) seriously and takes the time to get to know the real them inside,  I want to puke on THEM.

But before I feel the bile rise in my throat, maybe I should think about this idea more...

See lately it seems that people talk to me more.  Not men or women specifically, all types of people.  To be objective, this could be occurring because of the way I carry myself, which is different if merely for the fact that I take more care in how I dress.  
This could also be happening because I am more chatty, and maybe less bitchy and reclusive looking-which my lovely mother never failed to tell me.

However, part of me has to think about what my friend Ann stated in her answers in a few posts back, when I made her answer questions pertaining to 'normal' thoughts about how she thinks of obese people.  While she said she wonders why obese people eat fast food crap, she said she doesn't think badly of obese people.  

HOWEVER, we all know that some people out there have a variety of opinions about fat people-that we are lazy, unhygienic, etc-and we all heard about that lovely writer who said she is grossed out just seeing fat people walk across a room.

Frankly, the fact upsets me that people could now like me while they didn't before because maybe my rolls made them feel like they were going to puke.  Or that maybe now that my face is my own again, and I have one chin, that people really are nicer to people they find more attractive.

While I am happy, for whatever reason, that it seems I have more friends and people want to be around me now, the former bitchy, protective me really doesn't want their respect and niceties if thinness is the determining factor in them offering their friendship...does that make sense?

Anyone else question newfound, unlikely friendships?  Could Paris really know what she is talking about?!?!? ;-)


Princess Dieter said...

I think I'm happier now--because I feel as if I'm accomplishing something at last in the health department--and cause my ass is less fat, I fit in more public venues. This means I go out more, feel chipper, have more energy, and fit in concert hall seats, so I go out more. I walk more. I talk more. In general, people respond to cheerful energetic folks, methinks.

Even when I was 300 lbs, I was very polite and cheerful in public (even when I was depressed in private, I masked it in public, so as not to be a downer to folks who weren't to blame for my body's chemical failings). I chatted up people in stores, in restaurants, anywhere. While some fatphobes wouldn't talk ME up, you always find nice folks who wanna respond to someone who is interested in them or a topic of interest (ie, at an event, whatever the theme is). Since I know about art, literature, music and assorted stuff...it's always easy to chat.

I had guys flirt with me at 300, but I assume they liked fat chicks. And that's fine. You like what you like.

I had people ridicule me for my weight, and i just look at them like, "What are you, defective? I know I'm fat, so how does it affect you?" Rude is rude.

I don't much want male attention--I got my prince--but if being more energetic and thinner means people see me as more approachable, I'll take it.

The people who loved me fat, will love me not-fat (or less fat). The ones who didn't love me fat or ridiculed me fat were strangers, and what do I care

I cannot judge the ones I meet when I'm normal(er) weight. They only know what they know...

But I've never had a friend DE-friend me cause I got huge....and if they did, what kinda friend was that?

But I assume that chef who flirted with 299 lbs me might not be interested in 160 lb me (one day), and that's fine. :D

Princess Dieter/Mir

Mom to the Fourth Power said...

I def. see that people smile and are nicer to me than they were during all those obese years. I appreciate smiles and kindness... but it is SO SAD that it's not given the same to everyone. What makes me more deserving now? I am EXACTLY the same person... hopefully a better person inside and healthier but still the same. It makes me want to monitor myself in how I treat others and make sure I give everyone the same courtesy and respect no matter how they look or dress.


Anonymous said...

I love your posts. They are always so powerful and leave me with goose pimples on my arms and legs!! I think people that aren't in the same boat maybe don't know that they are hurting those that are "bigger, obese, over weight". Because we allowed them to treat us that way for so long that now its just habit?

Sarah said...

I wonder the same thing all the time. My friends know that I'm exactly the same as I was this time last year. Honestly, I had a reputation of being bitchy, but funny so no one seemed really standoffish because of what I looked like, but more because I'm mean! I think I was a little more standoffish that other people.

My biggest problem, as a single gal, are guys that have known me FOREVER that now seem more interested. I have a problem with this because I was exactly the same 76 pounds ago. I've asked a few too, "what was wrong with me before? Why are you interested now?" They don't have much to say about it and they take it that I'm not into them at all. I don't want to call them shallow, but I feel like that. Just my opinion!


Jennifer said...

Not sure if my last comment went though. so here I go again. For me, after losing 65 lbs, I feel that it is me that has changed. I dont think people talk to me more, or think I am prettier, or more attractive at all. For me, I thinnk I am less ashamed of who I am so maybe now I talk a little nicer, dress nicer, etc.

I have been out of blog world for abit. I hope all is well?


Ash said...

That's a pretty curious point. I'll have to study this as I lose weight - for psych purposes, of course. ;) Honestly though, so far I haven't seen any difference, but to be honest, 20lbs isn't a whole lotta different just yet on my body - or at least, not noticeable in such a way.

Thanks for making me think, though. Definitely something to take note of.

Twix said...

I question always. I hope to invent a repellent spray by then...hah. I like quiet. I make enough noise as it is.

Lifeinblubber said...

My biggest fear.


Beth said...

Ahhhh, I have been pondering this very thing recently as well. Is it my newfound confidence and happiness that comes with getting my food under control and loosing weight or is it coz I iz not fatz any more...

yeah. I'm still pondering this one and if only we could run parallel lives one with the fatz and one with the skinny to see how folks react. Either way, if they are embracing us because of appearance, they ain't worth having as friends, are they?

Ann said...

Different Ann, yes? Lol. My husband has lost over 50 lbs and he is CONVINCED people talk to him now that he's lost weight!!

Anonymous said...

It sucks, but not fat people have issues with fat people! I've noticed that people talk to me more. I'm more likely to have a man hold the door open for me. It's ridiculous and I'm so glad to have read this post!

Tim said...

I was in a similar situation but it wasn't to do with me weight.

Whilst at work, I was just a normal worker and whenever I came across a certain person, I would always say hello and ask how his day was. He would always just say "Hi, it's okay" and then walk off.

As soon as I got promoted to a team leader, he would suddenly go out of his way to talk to me and actually want to get to know me.

I just didn't want to know him after that. It was obvious that before I was just a team leader, he was looking down on me because of my position. I would rather he had disliked me for being me rather than that.

Anyway, I would now like to puke over him! BLEUGH!!!!!!!!!!!

fatgirlwearingthin said...

I think it has a lot to do with the way we carry ourselves. I have a friend who is and has always been around 200 pounds. I have been out with her while weighing 235 and we've gone to the same places with me weighing in at 130 lbs, but in every situation, she gets the looks, the pick-up lines, everything. She carries herself with confidence regardless of her weight. I, on the other hand - don't feel comfortable around large groups of people and I'm sure it shows. I'm by no means bitchy. I'm just a typical wallflower. All about the confidence in my experience.

The Ninja said...

I think, like many others who have commented, that it's about the way we carry ourselves. I alwasy felt irritated and grumpy when heavy. Now the thinner me is happier and much more accesible. I think that attracts people.

MB said...

I know I have a better attitude when I feel good about myself but having gone up and down in weight I can tell you who is fat phobic and who couldn't care less what my size is. It's a good indicator of who your true friends are and how shallow others can be.