Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Monday, August 23, 2010

Euthanasia and Medifast (not in that order)

So I had to decide to put Polar to sleep four months ago, but did anyone know that the best vets administer a sedative prior to euthanizing animals in order to reduce their anxiety and any unforeseen 'incidents'?  BELIEVE it and spread the word-ask for the sedative-it is a 'best practice'.
Consider this your lesson for the day...be good to your pets!

As for Medifast, I started this program after much research on August 15th.  And you better believe I ate like a hog on August 14th.  So I go in and my nice counselor tells me I'm going to drink shakes for a week other than my one 'lean and green' meal.  No problem, I did the liquids thing for the band and at this point was not lacking in motivation at all.  But I tell her I don't want to see my actual weight.  Ever.  EVER.  I just want to know what I lose so I don't get obsessed with the numbers, which I could easily do.  Then spend the week in bed sobbing into my pillow, while drinking milkshakes...

So I bought a crapload of fresh food-fish, chicken, turkey, lean pork, and the F word-vegetables.  Eeeck.  I'm like a five-year old-God forbid something green is on my plate.  I don't even like them touching my other food in restaurants.  Seriously.  Yes, I am crazy.  It all began when my Dad sauteed some asparagus when I was younger and claimed 'they taste just like french fries'.  No sh*t.  I kid you not.  Sure, Dad, these taste like french fries-that were made from ASPARAGUS.

So back to Medifast-btw I can't cook.  Bless my poor DH's heart, he said he would eat what I eat, and he hates fish.  He practically pinched his nose as he shoveled in my lettuce-cloaked rubbery scallops, without breathing in their direction.  Seriously, I got lucky with this man after my long, LONG string of losers.

But one week later, I lost five pounds.  I was worried about this, since I have been doing heavy cardio for months now and had reached a weight loss plateau.  Of course that was consuming about 3000 calories a day on a high fat diet, so...

So what they say really is true, I don't miss fatty foods that much on Medifast.  I'm not going to lie, I wait for the day when size 6 jeans swaddle my juicy booty and then I will eat crap from sun-up to sun-down that day.  Just one day, then I can puke my guts out and sh*t liquid for a week and never want to touch the stuff again.  Honestly, who ever knew eating good could be this easy-I actually like it.  I don't think I ever gave it the old college try and put forth even 50% effort.  Now that Medifast has taken a lot of my money, not only are the size 6s motivating me, but my rising AMEX bill is, too.  But eating good is also very motivating-when I even add an extra dash of lime juice or pepper, I feel like I am cheating myself.  So in this case, guilt is good for me.  But the biggest advantage?  NO MORE BRAIN FOG.

Before, I had smart days, and what I call brainfart days, when even forming good sentences failed.  This is not a very good quality to have when I meet with and present to brilliant scientists on a weekly basis who will call me on my B.S.  Now I feel sharp, mentally agile, to match my increasingly flexible and healthy body.  Wish I had eaten this good through undergrad-maybe now I wouldn't be haunted by my horrible undergrad GPA!

So in closing...someone, I think it was Coco Chanel but correct me if I'm wrong, once said "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels".  My thoughts in this order:
A.  This waif clearly never had my nachos or angry pasta (the two things I can actually cook really well)
B.  This waif is a snobby bee-atch who needs a cookie/good rogering
C.  This waif might be on to something
D.  Both B and C

I'll let you know if this bee-atch was onto something in 5 more sizes or so...

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