...or even better with cheese heaped on top. And not the kind of cheese that doesn't melt...
Ellen over at fat girl wearing thin talked today about what happens when things don't work for you anymore-a subject which definitely resonates with me.
Lately, unlike most Christmas-times in my life, I have been VERY bored. I HATE bitching and moaning as much as you guys hate reading about it, but damn already, WTF?!?!? I feel like I'm in Dante's Inferno without the rings of hell to liven things up a bit.
One of the things that endeared the holidays to me was the special food, but let's face it prior to the diet I loved food year round and it was a source of excitement for me.
But since the diet has enveloped my life, this year Christmas was just another day, and I really miss the 'special' in it.
Exercise is boring, too. I used to hate it until after I was done when the endorphins would make life awesome and renew my willpower. Now I just feel flat no matter how or when I work out, and the desire for delicious food to brighten my day gets stronger.
I love vacations, getting away, seeing new things, and they always renew my spirit and soul, but I don't have any planned. Honestly that makes me want to put my head down on my desk right now and cry. Seriously.
I love my work, but the past week I come in late and leave early and can't stand the sight of the place. I guess it reiterates to me the fact that I am not on vacation and everyone else is, and I am feeling quite disenchanted and burned out with science overall.
I'm not a thrill junkie, but everything, everyday bores the shit out of me and I feel like I want to pluck my nose hairs out just to liven the place up a bit.
Honestly I don't see my husband enough to be bored of him.
Even shopping is boring, and that is a bit scary to me since it was always my go to mood lifter after I gave up 'real food'.
Arrghhh, I'm sick of fucking bitching and moaning about this, but I'm even more sick of living in this disconnected, desensitized limbo.
So Ellen asked "what doesn't work for you anymore?" My answer: everything. So I ask you what do you do when you want to curl into a ball and hibernate for a month?
3 comments:
OH MY GOODNESS - I could have written this. I came into work today with the "I hate this fucking place" attitude and it hasn't left. I have been a total "bah humbug" this entire holiday. I keep trying to pinpoint what it is. It IS like some sort of limbo where I'm waiting for something to kick over. Haven't figured out what that is, yet, but hopefully it happens soon because I'm sort of over this crap.
I just unplug and go into my shell for a couple of days. If someone insists on bothering me to ask me something, I just say NO. Sort of makes bothering me when I'm in the shell not very worth it for them.
You related to my post and I'm coming right back to say how much I relate to yours. First though, sorry to hear that things look bleak right now. Holidays+winter+pitch blackness at 4:30 in the evening sure doesn't help.
I have to start wondering what's happening to me when I am taking down every single Christmas decoration on Christmas morning (yes, I did) and then spend the rest of the day waiting for it to be over.
The ONLY thing that works for me when I'm feeling like you is to plan something - anything to do that will bring a ray of light. Daytrip? Weekend trip? Even a trip an hour away to see something different may help. Hang in there. Sending along big hugs to you this evening.
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