Upon receiving this great award from Michelle, I thought long and hard about what being an honest blogger means to me, and possibly some of you others out there.
When I started this blog, I was grieving heavily and wanted to share my story and joys about Polar, but moreso it was so that I was publicly accountable for what I was going to try...so that I would be held responsible for my fuck-ups, cheating, and asinine tantrums-as I knew these would come as I cut back on my 'drug'. Up until this blog, I never told anyone that I was attempting something until after I had already accomplished it.
However, with this blog something interesting happened...I realized that as a person, I worry more about what strangers, distant acquaintances, and fans of the blog think and feel about me, rather than the opinions of my close friends and family. Not that my family and friends don't matter, but I guess I know how they feel, and don't doubt their support or feelings for me.
And as much as this journey is for ME, because I'm the one who HAS to look at the cellulite and rolls in the mirror, I do care about public opinion to some degree, I'm not going to lie and say those who don't like me can screw off (but if you don't like my dogs you CAN screw off).
This is why I have been so successful in my diet, because I dread having to post about failures to you all. Even if your comments are all nice and supportive, even on a bad week, I want to stand for something in your mind and don't want to sully your opinion by failing.
I want to be the 'gung-ho, no nonsense, take no prisoners dieter'. Someone to gain motivation from...don't get me wrong, I do NOT want to be a 'role model', but I do want you to think I am doing the best possible. Honestly, maybe part of me wants you to aspire to my weight loss numbers, because I have never been the showstopper or the prettiest/most desired girl in the room-even when I was super fit. Trust me, I KNOW I have LOTS of issues, but I want to help somehow, maybe serve as an example of what can happen if you stick to your guns, bite the bullet, and shit or get off the pot.
Yes, I realize this all goes back to my need for recognition for my hard work. Why I need this, I don't know, since my parents were more than supportive and encouraging growing up.
So to borrow from Michelle, I am very flawed, but I do know my strengths. I can play sports really well, I understand science deeply, I am a fiercely protective friend, I have a pretty face, and I can lose the shit out of weight. If my strengths, or weaknesses, can help you along your journey, then that makes me happy...and motivates the hell out of me, too.
So 10 honest things about me are:
1. I look for my own worth in others opinions too much.
2. I curse alot, but please don't hold that against me.
3. I have intense fear of suffocating or drowning, but I love the water.
4. I have a deep fear of my husband leaving me for someone skinnier.
5. I want Karma to do her job and hurt those who have hurt me.
6. I have a problem forcing my dreams on others, like wanting my husband to further his career, too, so that we can live more comfortably.
7. My impatience is a force to be reckoned with-which is why my 1 pound losses really piss me off.
8. Though I love my life and would NEVER change it now, I have a problem letting go of mistakes I have made in the past, even though changing those mistakes would mean a different life for me now.
9. Though I have never been judgmental of others looks, I am extremely critical of my own looks and have unrealistic body aspirations for myself.
10. Even if I get to a size 6, and get a great job with great pay, I am not sure that I will ever feel content or be completely happy with myself or my accomplishments.
Now I must nominate four extremely honest bloggers...
Jennifer-she details her struggle with maintaining her goal and her obstacles along the way. She is a great support and her honest blog is one to follow...
Bethanny-she tells it like it is, the good, the bad and the ugly, and always entertains with great pictures, too!
Call me Ishamel-honest about her weaknesses and is a great writer-check out her blog!
Jennifer-loves to run, very supportive, open to suggestions, honestly wants to improve herself-love her!