As many of you know, my mother took my 96 year old grandmother (her mom) into her house to live with her and my Dad four years ago now, after GM started falling.
Mom's useless Sister and Brother were nonexistent in the talk as to whom would have GM come live with them. Suddenly they were all hiding under their desks, meanwhile when GM was handing out checks from her pension and ss funds, they were all hands up and waving in the air...
So my parents moved GM down to live in their house-they tricked out my old room with handi-railings everywhere, since GM uses a walker now, and remodeled the bathroom for handicap access to everything.
My Dad still works but my Mom stays home with GM. She stays home 24/7, except for emergency trips to the store for GM's cravings, or to the library so GM has an endless supply of reading material.
This upsets me because my GM is not thankful, doesn't acknowledge my Mom's efforts, and continues to send Sister and Brother $1000 checks a month. No shit. They visit her once a year if GM is lucky. Usually it is on her birthday, and Sis cries the whole time because she believes it is GM's last birthday. Crocodile tears, I'm sure. BTW, Sister is the mom of the 'cousin' in my last post when I mentioned Polar...
One thing that GM likes to do quite regularly is go up to the casino about an hour north of us. Mom likes to gamble, too, Dad not so much, but he brings them so Mom can have some fun.
Lately though, Mom and Dad have wanted to get away ALONE to the casino for a night. They do this every so often, every few months or so I'd say, and hubs and I stay over and watch GM like hawks.
In the past, Dad has tried to get Mom to plan trips with him for a weekend away, even a week, but Mom always cancels out. See, apparently Mom feels like something will happen to GM when her ever-watchful eyes are on vacation.
Lately, however, Mom hasn't wanted to go to casino overnight or anywhere else overnight because she doesn't want GM to feel bad. Mom feels GUILTY for leaving GM at home so she and Dad can get away, especially when they are going to go to the casino, because GM enjoys that, too.
And see, this is where GM should say "you guys go and have fun, I'll be well taken care of, and you deserve some time alone together". Instead GM says whistfully "Oh, THAT should be fun.." And of course Mom feels guilty, instantly, and she worries the whole time she is away, if she even goes away, and always comes home very early.
So we had been planning for Mom and Dad to go to casino for today, leaving early, being back around 7. I would come over and do my hawk duties, no problem. Mom, however, hadn't told GM as of this morning...then she decided to lie to her that she and Dad were going to stock show and rodeo instead, so that GM wouldn't feel bad about not being able to go. But of course they are still going to casino, just without telling GM.
This bugs the hell out of me, because Mom deserves some time to have fun and hang with my Dad, without GM ringing her little bell all the time and Mom jumping up to appease her-she doesn't deserve the guilt .
BUT, as is the case with me, too, she LETS herself feel guilty, she overlooks all the good she does when my GM focuses on a negative, and she sacrifices her own health and well being for someone who doesn't give a shit that Mom is running herself into an early grave so that GM doesn't have to lift a finger.
Now that I have made the decision to get myself healthy, Mom is feeling the pressure to do so, too. I came over yesterday to say hi and Mom said I looked good, as she often does lately, and I said 'THANKS! I have lost 68 pounds and am 177!' She replied sadly, 'Oh...I am 177, too, but I'm five inches shorter than you...' I said yes you are, I'm not going to sugar coat it but I don't want her to feel bad either...
I guess I hoped my journey might make it easier for her to motivate herself to exercise, too. She and my Dad eat very healthy, so exercising is the issue. I brought them my recumbent bike, and my Dad bought her a new elliptical. I am sitting here looking at both, and while Mom doesn't let anything gather dust in the house, they both have blankets and magazines stacked on them.
My Dad has tried to get her to go on walks, and occasionally succeeds, since Mom feels GM can be left alone for very short periods only.
She says she is very busy, and GM does take up alot of her time and energy, but I know Mom sits and plays games on the computer everyday, time when she could peddle out a half hour on the bike or so 20 on the elliptical.
So how do I get her to exercise without sounding uppity and arrogant about my own loss? I need to appeal to her somehow...she wants weight loss because she doesn't like how she looks, but I want her to lose 20 or so because I want her to be around a long time.. I realize most of us have a hard enough time getting ourselves to exercise, let alone use our scarce motivation to make someone else exercise. So any ideas??