Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Strange Addictions II

I, like many of you out there, am an addict.  Not just to food, but to anything I find remotely stimulating.

So, yes, I obviously have an addictive personality-self diagnosed.  When I was eating pre-diet foods, I noticed that I even gravitated towards certain foods, beyond pizza and the traditional cheesy drugs...  I ate certain 'odd' things until I couldn't stand them anymore.

You say 'so what?' we all do that.  Um, no, let me explain.  I ate a certain nacho dish or a certain spicy pasta dish for dinner EVERYNIGHT for at least a year.  This did not put extra weight on me, as I was already a chunky beast by this time.  But it kept weight on me, for sure, since I was active and exercising.

Can you imagine eating the same two things everynight-for months and months?  Hubby works at night, so I always cooked for myself.  For someone who always gets bored, I NEVER deviated, in fact I was downright excited every night.

Case #2, I used to eat Nestle chocolate chip cookie dough, right out of the pretty yellow tube, and no I never got salmonella.  Maybe if I had it would have curbed my habit.  For probably 10 years I would eat tablespoons per day for 3 weeks or so, then get sick of it and stop for 6 months.  Then it would reoccur, when that thick yellow penis would call to me from the refrigerated section of my grocery store.  Yes, it was better than sex to me.

Case #3, I used to eat raw cake/brownie mix.  Just mix the powder with water-because hey it is less fat and calories without the egg/butter/oil.  Same thing, eat about 1/4 of the powder in a cereal bowl with water each day for weeks, then get sick of it and stop.

Case #4 eBay shopping-I will go through phases when I surf ebay ALL day every day for a week, buy a myriad of random stuff, then stop.  This happens often now, since it is not a food related obession I don't curb it.  And I SO do not want to end up a hoarder, plus it would really be great if I had a 20K sqft mansion before I start collecting more stuff.

Case #5 online poker-Again, not food related, so at night lately and in years past when I would normally want to graze and sweets would call me, I play a hand of poker-$1.10 buy in, and if I make it to the last 5 at the 10 person table I win $2.20-takes about 30-40 minutes/hand.  And yes, I do this while surfing eBay-as it seems I can stack and multitask my addictions pretty well.

Case #6-cross-stitching-I do it everynight for months straight, then can't stand to look at it anymore.  This is typically after I buy a wide assortment of kits off eBay.

Case #7-Vacation planning-Obsessive isn't even the word.  You all know I am a crazy person when I don't have a future vacation planned-just the knowledge that one is coming up keeps me even keeled. Without one, I am a BITCH to be around, my poor husband...  And when I am planning one??  Forget it, I research and plan it to within an inch of it's life-activities, exercise time, restaurants for every meal, checking for better plane seats everyday...etc.

Case #8-Philanthropy-specifically rescuing animals has become a bad obsession since Polar died.  Sure I loved rescuing and training fosters in the past, but now I long for land and independent wealth so that I can have a rescue ranch.  Seriously.  To the point that I bought $60 of lottery tickets last week.  Don't even ask me if I won-you would have seen that post if I did...  And last week I also offered to transport a deaf Husky to any rescue that would take him.  He's in Springfield, MO.  I'm in Dallas.  Do the mapquest.  Why did I offer this?  Because I feel bad for the sweet neglected husky up the street from me.

Case #9-Submitting grants and entering contests-I feel like this need to be recognized for being a great scientist stems from my hauntingly mediocre undergraduate GPA...it was always a reason for rejecting me or at least was a reason in my head, now I try to smother it with other accolades.  Do I like entering contests and writing grants?  Hell to the MF-ing NO. 

Case #10-DIY network and HGTV.  Yes, seriously I was home yesterday and watched it for 12 straight hours.  House Hunters, Property Virgins, House/Bath Crashers, Selling New York, Design on a Dime, 10 grand in Hand, More Bang for Your Buck, Design to Sell, ETC, ETC, ETC.  Maybe if all the carpenters and contractors weren't so damn personable and good looking...hmm.

Case #11-exercise.  I used to exercise alot, but it reaped rewards, as I played better and was a better athlete.  But now?  I find if I do not work out, then the guilt is immeasurable.  Like crushing, and so depressing.  What's worse, is that based on my calorie intake, I am only supposed to do 30 minutes of exercise/day.  But when I reach that 30 minute mark, I say, 'oh just another 10', then I say 'oh going another 20 won't hurt me'.  If my elliptical did not allow longer than 65 minutes in a row without restarting the program, I would surely go longer.  The past two weeks I have done 65 minutes on the elliptical everyday-burning at least 800 calories.  Then I do P90x on top of that. Dropping dead scares the shit out of me, and yet I keep pushing myself.  Maybe I need therapy for my fear of gaining the fat back?

Case #12-If you read my post two posts ago, you know from where this stems...I was addicted to worrying about my significant other cheating on me...to the point that the CIA would be glad to have me on their team-hacking into email addresses, hiring PIs, following (yes stalking) my sig other, googling exes of significant others, etc.  I guess I was more obsessed with figuring out if they were cheating on me.  I relegate this to self-preservation, but obviously it is a trust issue.  And it was definitely an all-encompassing addiction that would fill every waking moment.  Thank goodness my hubby knows this about me, and knows that trying to hide things from me just makes me a crazier investigator/analyzer/schemer.

So I wonder when the next addiction will hit.  Lately I have been searching for houses to buy.  Are we in the market you ask?  No.  

Maybe some people call them hobbies, especially if they are not food related.  I imagine some guys golf as much as I surf eBay, or some gals scrap-book, etc. So are these hobbies, or just ways to feed my addictive personality?

Who the hell knows, but I guess if I am not hurting anyone or putting me and hubby into the poorhouse than I shouldn't worry?  But I know therapists, especially Dr. Drew on celebrity rehab who I love, talks about breaking the addiction cycle.  And maybe I need to do this before I become a sex addict, body builder or anorexic, drug addict, or end up with 20 dogs in my 1600 sqft house.  But how?  How do you occupy your mind away from food?


Waisting Time said...

My mind is way too occupied with food!! Like you, I love HGTV. And, often ate that same cookie dough straight from the freezer.

Ginger aka Gidget said...

I've had that type of addictive personality before. One time I went on an Eggo binge and ate them for breakfast, lunch and dinner for 2 weeks straight. Haven't touched them since, but I do the same thing. I have been known to eat the same meal every day for a week. And the deaf husky is literally bringing tears to my eyes. I miss mine. (I had one) And lastly - cookie dough. OMG. Been there done that. I also once "iced" baked brownies with brownie batter. No shame in our game I say!

FatAngryBlog said...

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Bethanny said...

gave u an award :)

Jennifer said...

Loved this post!!!


Michele said...

What else would you rather do with your time besides these addictive habits? Is there something? The reason I am asking is that I am wondering if it would be helpful for you to make a list (I am a listie) of three or four things you really want to accomplish each day and work on those first, before you do anything else. Might help curb your addictive tendency.

Anne H said...

I think while I'm reading this:
What does a little structured activity hurt?
People who are really intelligent and curious
might just need more structure.
Kinda like a big smart playful puppy
that is just being kept inside.
No wonder they get into trouble!

I give myself plenty of things to do in two specific ways.
Micro managed things and Macro:
One to satisfy my need for detail, and tendency toward OCD.
(I read Wikipedia for hours, sometimes.)
And the other to help expand my horizons, and keep me from being bored, which helps satisfy my ADD tendencies!
And balance between the two.

Charlotte said...

I find myself engaging in almost all of the same activities you've mentioned, with similar zeal. I know for sure if I didn't have kids, I'd be far worse. Those little people suck a lot of my time away. They're so selfish not to let me completely indulge myself. Sometimes I wonder if it's really so bad, and sometimes I feel like I'm trying to hide from something else, but I don't know what that is. I like your list of those things though. I never really thought about some of that being an addiction, but I suppose it is.

Julie said...

Food, it's hard not to think about, especially with daycare kids every day, 3 meals a day and a snack. But...I keep my computer on and opened and when I'm really hungry I eat, otherwise I drink something and read a blog or 10.
Find your peace and work with it. You'll do okay.
Take care, have a blessed afternoon.

Dinnerland said...

Maybe take up meditation?
I'm not joking.. it isn't easy and you sound like an anxious person who needs to be 'occupied' at all times. I have never been able to master meditation, but it on my own person 'bucket list' of things to learn before I leave this earth. I believe it is super healthy and can really help center those of us who need it!!

Allison S. said...

Hi there! I've been enjoying reading the back posts of your blog and look forward to digging in a bit more soon. Thank you for this post. Reminds me that I am not the only one who can eat the same dinner each night and not get bored. Most of my friends and family think I am nuts...so glad I am not the only one! I almost spit out my drink when I read about that thick yellow penis (cookie dough roll).