Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Enough money in which to bathe naked...

And I ain't talking about dollar bills...  Hamilton, Jefferson, Grant por favor.

Not the dudes themselves (I am a married woman!), just the green.  Oh and minus the paper cuts-yikers.
How else you gonna keep people away from your dough? ;-)

So as I was SUCKED into watching The Biggest Loser last night, because Glee was taping and I save it to watch with hubby, I saw their ad for the Biggest Loser Resort/Camp/whatthefuckever-its-called.


And I thought-how the hell long would I have to go there in order to reach goal?


Then I thought-I'd have to mortgage my house, if I owned one, or mortgage my ass to a pimp, which I do own-in abundance.

Pun intended-Mwaaaahaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaa!


Then I thought of Oprah, and I got super pissed as I usually do when I think of her smug ass.  And don't bitch at me about her schools in Africa and whatever else she is using as a tax shelter for her billions.


I thought-if I had all that GD money that she does-there is NO FUCKING WAY I would be fat.  Ever.  Even if I had to hire someone to follow three steps behind me with a remote to the shock collar around my neck, and zap me when I picked up the cookies (or fried butter, don't think I forgot that sexy visual, Oprah!), I'd be thinner.

Nice fucking hat
And I thought, if I had all that money, what exactly would I change about my weight loss now?  For instance-hit the Powerball tomorrow, what would I do? 

Wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers...

Hire that Gunnar guy-that super duper celeb trainer badass?  Go to a fatty camp in the mountains of Colorado or the beaches of Hawaii?  Hire a live-in cook?  Or would I do it all the same?

French fat camp-NO SHIT!!  But no cheese-boo hiss.
 
What would you change about your weight loss program/routine if money were NO object?  Healthy is obviously the way to go-but how specifically?  Be honest!  There are no points here!

 

19 comments:

Michele said...

Not much, because I am very happy with what I am doing right now. I am practicing the eat less and move more adage every day. There are a few things: I would like to get Fatty Blog sticks that beautiful bike that she wants. I would do the same for any one else that really wanted a bike for exercise, because that is what is working for me and I am so committed to working out OUTSIDE. For me, I would buy a couple of different bikes for different terrain. I can already tell that I will bike into a road type bike and soon. And finally, I think it would be way cool to get some mentoring form a super star bike rider so that I can learn more about efficiency and increasing my workout on my bike (kind of a bike trainer type if there is such a thing).

Christina said...

If money was no object I would hire my own personal chef to make me healthy meals and I would build my own personal gym with all different kinds of workout equipment so I would never get bored. I would install surround sound in the gym and also tv's which I could watch while I was working out. Also an indoor pool so I could swim year around. Maybe acres and acres of land so I could build my own personal track on my property. Of course I will never have the money to do any of these things but its nice to dream.

Allan said...

Money, not that important...Friends, health,,that matters...And cookies...

Ice Queen said...

If money were no object? I would hire a chef and get a pitbull that hates me and install them both in my kitchen. The chef would make my perfectly calorie counted meals and snacks for me and the pitbull would keep me from being able to go in my kitchen and graze, when my head is messing with me.

I would hire a personal trainer to come kick my ass every day.

But I would keep on counting calories. It works for me. :D

Kelly said...

I would have a personal chef, a personal grocery shopper and a personal trainer. Then I would never have to consciously think about *how* I was going to do it; I would have people telling me how to do it.

Julie said...

If money were no object the only thing I'd do is put in my own gym. Something like a health club. I don't want someone cooking for me because I love to cook. I wouldn't mind someone to help with my gym stuff so a personal trainer would be cool too.
Thanks for stopping by. I'm going to read a bit more so I can get to know you a bit better.
Take care and God Bless!!

Bethanny said...

Gym. Lipo. Botox. In that order. :)

Crazy Fat Girl said...

What? No takers on fat camp?? I would definately go to fat camp and I would take some fat friends with me. The when I got home I would be sure not to work anymore. I would start my day at the gym (just like now) and then I would come home and clean my house and plan my meals and cook healthy gourmet food for my loved ones. I would craft and do photography and all the fun things I love that I do not have time for now.

If you win will you take me to fat camp?

Tony B. @ Half of 360 said...

I would hire a chef and personal trainer.

Tony B. @ Half of 360
halfof360.blogspot.com

Moderate Means said...

Indoor pool. Sauna. Movie theater built into the gym so that I can be entertained in style while I exercise. Personal chef.

Yeah, money would totally change my plans!

Life as a Caterpillar said...

I am thinking a personal chef would be nice. Don't get me wrong, i actually really like cooking, but it would be nice to have someone take over and look after my nutritional needs for a while. Or maybe i should send myself off to some sort of food-rehab place, like Lindsay Lohan. There'd be workouts morning noon and night and great home made meals and no chance of sneaking out to eat butter. Yea, i'd need to stay there about 6 months, i'd think

Oh, no, i want a pool! Oh yea, i want a pool at my house. Or a built in gym with a big ass tv so i can watch all my shows whislt i work on my ass. And 3 extra hours in the day. That's what i want!

iamgoingdown said...

OMgosh, girl, you are a laugh RIOT! I love it. I was laughing every other sentence here. Well, if money were no object I really would hire a personal trainer and maybe even a personal chef to create fantastic healthy meals, despite the fact that I love to cook. So maybe a part-time chef. :) So how about you answer your own question--what would you do different? Or not different? ~Veronica

Polar's Mom said...

All of the above. There has got to be a fat camp on a tropical beach somewhere-I'd go there. I would definitely get a chef, because I am so NOT a creative cook, and definitely a trainer who would know enough of when to be an ass and when to be encouraging.

Waisting Time said...

Oh I have thought about this often! I would hire a trainer to kick my butt every day of the week. And a personal chef to make me yummy healthy meals. And I would go to the spa a lot!

Twix said...

I'd buy a ranch in the beautiful Colorado mountains. Thinks lots and lots of land. Maybe it wouldn't be there. Maybe it would be somewhere else just as beautiful. I've always thought of Colorado as home, fondly. It would be food for my soul. I'd walk and play in my mountains. I'd learn how to operate and run a small ranch. Think not much profit. But just enough for pure soul food. I'd also hire a personal chef who would learn and prepare all the food I love in a healthy manner and introduce me to new ones. Everyday I would spend outdoors in bliss. :D And I would invite you to join me and all my other bloggie pals too. Join me for weeks and weekends in heavan on earth. I'd rejoice and sing all day long!

MB said...

I got laid off last November and since then I've lost 50+ pounds. Although my income was cut by more than half I now have the time to spend at the gym and I'm not stress eating anymore. Less money = more weight loss for me.

Other than joining a more expensive gym I don't think having more money would make weight loss any easier. Maybe if someone paid me to workout I would have more incentive to do it but at the end of the day you don't need money to make healthy food choices and move your body. Of course, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that I have the winning lottery ticket in my pocket. If I had a million dollars ....

The Fat Mom said...

I'd go to fat camp in a heart beat, but it must be Hawaii or Cancun. Somewhere I could lay on the beach like a beached whale. My kids could visit maybe once a month and I would allow my husband to come every once in awhile for some adult time.

Why not just live at fat camp? Someone to do tell you when to eat, what to eat, when to exercise, and how to exercise. Sounds good to me!

Sarah said...

If I had the money I would hire a personal trainer. When I used to have a gym membership I would see a personal trainer there and she was amazing. She pushed me to the max and I lost so much weight. Unfortunately she got pregnant and I got broke so I could keep my membership or paying for a personal trainer and over the next year I gained it all back. But for me having someone pushing me especially if Im paying them to work hard is important. Plus I would be able to buy the healthiest foods. I don't need a personal chef because I can cook and do all the time but I would be able to buy the freshest and healthiest ingredients to cook with! Wouldn't it be nice! I wish!
www.universalhealhtinfo.com

Beth at Obesity Strike said...

I would buy Medifast because this Cambridge shit sucks. Here in the UK the diet industry is no where near as "developed" as it is in the US and the choices are not anything like you have there. However, the cost of importing Medifast is absurd given that it is probably just a bit of soy protein evolved into a hundred different forms.