Before I started my diet, I used to constantly think that whenever a speaker mentioned the word 'obesity' that he/she specifically didn't look at me because I was obese, or that everyone in the room (behind my field of vision of course) is staring at the obese back of my head.
Such thoughts use to rub at my subconscious, "SHE is obese, how could she let herself get so fat", "that mouse that can't clear plasma fats is huge, I bet it's fat cells look just like HERS". And so on... The paranoia was endless really.
However I think I turned a corner this morning, as our speaker in lab meeting was talking about various kinds of adipose and body fat measurements, and I didn't feel so much like the elephant in the room as I used to...
In fact I asked a question-that may or may not have required me to speak the 'o' word outside of my head, honestly I cannot remember as it was such a rush just to speak up for once.
And I didn't feel like a blubbery, gross mess, or that others thought of me that way.
I felt completely AVERAGE-though I am not quite there yet as the scale likes to remind me-but I blended into the wallpaper-and that was SO COOL with me!!