Polar Bear

Polar Bear
My Boy

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Vamoosing the Wicked Witch

I'm done.  Enough bitching.

I was all down on my life and myself just now, and I came across this picture...

This was Polar's last day.  Literally.  I had found him an hour or so earlier, unable to move his back legs, and laying in his own urine, as usual.  He was pulling his 170 pound body along the linoleum floor as much as his partially-working front legs could muster.

The red harness he is wearing was what he wore for 6 months all day and night, since he got hurt.  This allowed us to lift him and steady him as he walked out to go to the bathroom, and let us ease him down back onto his bed.

I watched him lose control of his back legs-swinging them out, having them buckle under him, or slide out completely in awkward angles. And I righted his feet back onto his pads when he would unknowingly stand on his knuckles.

I watched my sweet and curious boy, who used to watch the birds and the leaves in the trees, get to where he couldn't even lift his head upward.  I saw the embarrassment in his eyes when I would find that he had peed in his bed, then laid in it all night.

When I made the call to have him put down that morning, I slid him over to his window, and for the first time in months, somehow he was able to lift his head to watch the blowing branches.  His ears perked up, and his curious george face scrunched up.

You see, he was always looking and searching and questioning and following us around the yard, checking us out with his (semi) good eye.  He would leap about and let out a deafening woof (he couldn't hear how loud he was!) when he smelled the other dogs, and would flip around like a circus dog trying to get them to play with him.  

Even when his pride was broken, he was still a slice of sunny sky.  So not even when he got hurt, or when I was holding him upright as he peed and pooed, or when I braced him during that last injection, did he ever stop fighting or being a big, happy, mushy-faced goofball.  The life and love was in his eyes, and still he fought that damn needle with all the heart he had.

And yet here I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself because I can't *eat* as I want to.  SHAME. ON. ME.

So I dedicate my journey to health to my special boy, who never let any disability or rainy day dampen his zest for life and his love of a challenge.

My Best Boy


Lanie Painie said...

you GO girl! Show us what you're made of!

You're allowed to be grumpy once in a while though, this weight loss thing is HARD! Glad you're back on track now.

Aliana said...

crying over here...hard.

So sorry you lost your sweetie pie.

Tamika said...

That was so freaking sad. I'd be just like you if I lost my Riley (my bullmastiff). I love him dearly! Ahh.. tear...
Anyhow your so entitled to feel that way. This healthy eating shit is freaking hard as hell!!!
To me it doesnt taste as good as the bad stuff so it's gonna take some time to get use to. Good luck today sweetie!

Bethanny said...

I am fighting back the tears. I am so sorry you lost your baby. He was so sweet. Im glad that he can be your inspiration.

Lala said...

Oh, Polar's mom, that post made me cry. I am just catching up on blogs, thank you so very much for my award. It really brightened my day. I just want to say how much I empathize with you. One of my cats is very dog-like, and his behavior is much like Polar's--always curious, always enthusiastic, follows me around like a puppy... and even when my boyfriend let him fall 4 floors to ground, he bounced right back and we had to sedate him to keep him from re-injuring himself. It would absolutely break my heart to lose him. I think that's a good inspiration to care for your health.

Michele said...

I am so sorry for your loss of that beautiful dog. We had our golden retriever miss put down about two years ago because of a long, long illness. I know exactly how you feel. It takes a while to heal. Blogging about him will help you.

Just Me said...

I'm at work and I'm tearing up. I have a very special spot in my heart for all animals and animal lovers. Polar was such a beauty and you were obviously the bestest Polar Mom. I don't mind if you are cranky though. That's what these blogs are all about....blog it out. Of course, it's better for you if you're not, right? (((hugs))

Weightless said...

My heart goes out to you. Polar was so beautiful. I'm a dane lover too. January marks two years since I lost my Shania. I still miss her and cry. We have another dane now, Athena, I love her but there is no replacing Shania.

I'm cheering you on as well - Here is to your goals for the hot 100. Anything has to be easier than lossing a fur baby.

Angie said...

Animals are such a beautiful gift. My Cleo was put down just the other day. She was a beautiful Gray Tabby, 14-years-old this Halloween. I wanted to eat so bad...then I thought, hell no! I know these wonderful creatures become our family. She came to me as a tiny kitten at a point in my life when I was young, alone, and lost. She was such a comfort. I'm glad you got to experience your beautiful Polar.